I just don't know what to do with my life right now. I miss my family terribly right now. I still have not found a job. All I do is stay home and be on the computer nearly all day. I have gained 20lbs since moving up here.
My sister told me Christmas morning that I spend too much time on FB. She says I am basically screaming to the world that I am lonely and depressed.
Truth hurts.
I just barely survived 48hours of only 30 min of sleep. Last night I actually and finally fell asleep, on the couch, with the TV on... that was at 10:30pm more or less... I woke up at 1pm today. I have so much on my mind. Right now I have a splitting headache, and nothing I have done has help to get rid of it.
I am worried about getting a job. I have a phone bill to pay now. That's another "slap my forehead" thing I've done. My aunt sent me Christmas money, and instead of just depositing it in the bank, I cashed it and bought my cell phone. I do need a cell phone to be able to communicate more often with my family in Mexico, but I honestly did not need to spend that money right away. But I did. I got my dream cell phone, lol. But now, without a job, how can I pay for it? I want to make my home business work, but I have no drive to talk to people because of how depresed I am feeling. Right now I am basically living off my dad. He is allowing me to live in his house rent free. He pays the electricity, the water, the garbage, the cable/phone/internet bill... and he buys my groceries... AND he has been giving me an additional $300-350 a month for spening money- I've used that to pay for my new gym membership, which I honestly need for my health, but I have also sent the family money as well...
I feel lost. I feel sick. Physically sick to be honest. This headache has been going on for two days now, the insomnia is just blowing my mind... The over 24hours of no sleep is actually a re-occuring event this last two months. I am lonely. I don't have my 3 yo randomly giving me hugs and kisses. I don't have the BS with my in-laws to deal with, and that actually I miss.
I need help to get motivated and step out of this depression, without having to become medicated again. I hated the medication, although it did help enough for me to funcion before. I'm sure that I am even in a deeper depression now, but I don't want to medicate again. I need a kick in the ass to get me going again. I know I have good things going for me. I know that going to the gym will help me feel better...I know that getting a job will help me feel better. I just can't get off my ass and do what I need to do. :o(
My sister told me Christmas morning that I spend too much time on FB. She says I am basically screaming to the world that I am lonely and depressed.
Truth hurts.
I just barely survived 48hours of only 30 min of sleep. Last night I actually and finally fell asleep, on the couch, with the TV on... that was at 10:30pm more or less... I woke up at 1pm today. I have so much on my mind. Right now I have a splitting headache, and nothing I have done has help to get rid of it.
I am worried about getting a job. I have a phone bill to pay now. That's another "slap my forehead" thing I've done. My aunt sent me Christmas money, and instead of just depositing it in the bank, I cashed it and bought my cell phone. I do need a cell phone to be able to communicate more often with my family in Mexico, but I honestly did not need to spend that money right away. But I did. I got my dream cell phone, lol. But now, without a job, how can I pay for it? I want to make my home business work, but I have no drive to talk to people because of how depresed I am feeling. Right now I am basically living off my dad. He is allowing me to live in his house rent free. He pays the electricity, the water, the garbage, the cable/phone/internet bill... and he buys my groceries... AND he has been giving me an additional $300-350 a month for spening money- I've used that to pay for my new gym membership, which I honestly need for my health, but I have also sent the family money as well...
I feel lost. I feel sick. Physically sick to be honest. This headache has been going on for two days now, the insomnia is just blowing my mind... The over 24hours of no sleep is actually a re-occuring event this last two months. I am lonely. I don't have my 3 yo randomly giving me hugs and kisses. I don't have the BS with my in-laws to deal with, and that actually I miss.
I need help to get motivated and step out of this depression, without having to become medicated again. I hated the medication, although it did help enough for me to funcion before. I'm sure that I am even in a deeper depression now, but I don't want to medicate again. I need a kick in the ass to get me going again. I know I have good things going for me. I know that going to the gym will help me feel better...I know that getting a job will help me feel better. I just can't get off my ass and do what I need to do. :o(
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