One week in...

... and in my mind I've already started day drinking.

But only in my mind. 

Starting off the new year broke. My oldest may get evicted for not being able to pay rent. My only daughter is quarantined in another state. I still don't know if I'm staying where I am living...

If I was working from home I WOULD be day drinking. 

Guess that's what I've got going for me. I at least have a job. 

And meanwhile, outside of my little bubble the rest of the world is in raging chaos. 

One of my nearest dearest friends almost lost her life the other day, because she was choked and beaten up. Another friend is still dealing with a long drawn out court case that has been ongoing for over 5 years. Yet another is battling a second round of breast cancer, and a third type of breast cancer caused by implants she had after her first battle of cancer and subsequent double mastectomy. 

And even further outside my circle of friends, Covid is mutating and spreading faster, and the country I was born in now is facing another Civil War because the acting president is a sore loser. 

2020 was a dumpster 🔥,  and it now seems that 2021 is saying "hold my beer..."

I'm now gonna quote one of my favorite songs because it says exactly what I feel:

"Lie number one 

you're supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you're doing
Just smile and tell them, "Never better"

Lie number 2 

everybody's life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds
And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors

Truth be told
The truth is rarely told, now

I say I'm fine, 

yeah I'm fine 

oh I'm fine, 

hey I'm fine 

but I'm not
I'm broken
And when it's out of control 

I say it's under control 

but it's not
And you know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When being honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin you don't already know
So let the truth be told..."

The song is called "Truth Be Told" by Matthew West.

I am definitely not fine. I know I'm terribly broken. Nothing is under control right now. 

I WILL say the truth, no matter what.

 Let the truth be told.

Happy 2015!

We made it.

2014 is over,  let the past stay in the past.

It's now 2015. We now have 364 days to make mistakes, tumble, fall flat on our faces, and then pull ourselves up and rise like the phoenix. Or the opposite.

The point is,  we have 364 days to make memories that will imact ourselves and others around us for the rest of our lives.

There are some things I want to accomplish in 2015. I'm not talking what my resolutions are,  because we ALL know that NO ONE  ever keeps them. Just some goals that can carry me on past just one year.

This year I want to make better food choices for not only myself,  but for my entire family.  Cook more,  less eating out, less processed sugar, no more soda... I'll give us the first three months of this year to figure out how we are going to accomplish this together. It's not something you can start suddenly one day and that's it.

I also want to get a handle on my severe depression. I let it get the better of me in 2014, and that resulted in many heart breaking moments between myself and my kids, as well as my few friends I have here. Other things will fall into place once I can get my depression calmed down.

The last thing I want to accomplish this year is to build my Mia Bella candle business up enough that I don't have to work two jobs outside the house. I'm a single mom of three, two of whom are teenagers. I want to get to the level I was a few years ago while living in CA. Just a couple hundred extra a month.

We shall see. It all depends on how firmly I apply myself towards these goals.

What are some things YOU want to accomplish in 2015?